Every barbed word pierces my skin.

The lashing and thrashing won’t stop.

I hold tighter and choose precise words,

As if the right ones might get through;

Even though the cuts are excruciating.

A step forward, two back…

I meet myself in the past… many times.

Retracing steps,

The path has washed over.

I can’t tell where it went off course.

This masterpiece must be dismantled.

Reassembly required.

I added pieces that should never have been there in the first place.

I took them from my stash of pain and trauma.

It’s a very intricate pattern, and I’m a novice at best.

Battle-weary and torn, I keep trudging ahead.

A gentle rain begs me to pause.

Just for a minute.

It morphs into a raging storm… again.

This tunnel is long and dark… and cold.

I have a blanket to keep myself warm;

But it is no comfort to you.

You can’t see its worth, for either of us.

You feel no warmth; you see no light.

I’ll send my love and light.

I’ll beg for relief… for you.

I will not let go.

I am the reason you are here.

My intention was never to inflict pain.

Please just rest.

Let me hold you tight and press the pieces back together.

I’ll fill your wounds with a soothing salve until they heal.

It’s all I know how to do.

I want you to be whole again. Thrive.

You’re my child and I love you.

Your worth is greater than you know.

I will never give up on you.

Please don’t give up on yourself.

When mama love is not enough.