I woke with one of John Denver’s less popular songs in my head this morning. I love it when this happens. I take it as a sign that the Universe is sending me a unique message. Why this song? Why now? What bearing does it have on my current questions about life? This one had plenty of answers and they were very specific to me.

The year 1974 is significant (song release date). This was really the beginning of my childhood. I was seven years old. I have very few memories before this time, and I often wonder if those are even real. But this is where my life began. The year before, my mother moved me and my two younger brothers into an old farmhouse with her new husband and his seven kids. In 1974, my half-brother was born. We were a family of 13 living on a dairy farm in Upstate NY.

Me and my two brothers: “We didn’t know who we were. We didn’t know what we did. We were just on the road” …literally. We didn’t know who we were. At that age, I really didn’t. And because of my upbringing, it took me a long time to figure out who I was. Naively, I really thought they (my parents) should have been telling me who I was, where I was going, what I should be doing in any given situation. That didn’t happen in my experience.

The moon in this song acts as a cosmic clock, signaling a time when one must find their way back to a place of belonging. Maybe this is why I’ve struggled for so long. I never had that anchor. I certainly didn’t want to go back there. Where do I belong?

Parents have to make sure you’re clothed and fed. Some drop the ball on the loving and nurturing part only to focus on discipline, as was the case with my stepfather. My mother did the best she could with what she had. “When I asked where we were goin’, [she] said we’ll just follow our nose.” She meant well, but belonging was not a word that made sense to me… ever.

In fact, as I sit here at my desk, I realize I’m finally starting to pull the pieces together and really understand where I came from. My childhood shaped my life so profoundly that I’ve spent the last 45 or so years trying to escape its clutches, when I should have been searching for my own way. I just didn’t think that I could… or that I was “allowed” to. There was nothing laid out for me… no map, no blueprint, nothing to go back to. I was somehow aware that my childhood was “faulty” and I couldn’t build on that foundation.

The girl in the truck café… the one he “fell in love [with] almost right away” refers to the bad choices people make in life due to lack of direction. Her presence in his life was fleeting… not meaningful enough to make him stay. “The Mercury was ready to go, and I had to leave her.” Shoo-be-doo-be-doo-be-doo…

The man in the moon’s insistence that I go home, though, makes me think that there is a HOME for me, despite my lack of direction. I DO belong somewhere. It’s been a rough road, but I have finally arrived at my place of belonging. I am home. I’ll gladly trade in my “old Mercury.” No more pushing that thing!

This story has a happy ending. I have five wonderful kids and four grandbabes that I adore. I have a passion for writing and connecting with the life lessons that come across my path. I have purpose. I have dreams that I am now following… my own dreams, fulfillment. I want to thank the man in the moon (and the late John Denver) for singing to me while I travel. Thank you. I’m home now. I think this might be why the moon holds so much attraction for me.