Fibromyalgia and panic attacks were my alarm bell, warning me that I was too overstimulated in the workplace. I thought operating out of my home office would help, but the work itself was too much for me to handle. I had too much responsibility on my shoulders and I was constantly worrying about not doing enough, not being enough. I needed to slow down; work was causing me to feel overwhelmed 24/7.

Stepping out of the workforce was a scary thing for me. I walked away from some good money. My marriage was a casualty also. I just couldn’t make my husband understand what was happening to me. When I realized my mental and physical health were taking a back seat so I could maintain status quo with my salary… well, for me it was STILL a tough choice. I loved him deeply… but I had to advocate for myself now.

He had his own things to deal with… my struggle was not going to be one of them. By removing myself from this equation, I reasoned that I was helping us both. We could now focus completely on our own issues separately. What he has chosen to do with this freedom… is none of my business. I have come to understand that I am a people-pleaser and if I am going to heal this thing about myself, I need to focus solely on me. Selfish is a word that I need to remove from my vocabulary if I am to be truly successful in this endeavor.

“Here I go again on my own” (Whitesnake)… this time fully facing the monster that scares me most. My shadows have backed me into corners more times than I can count. It’s time to face them so I can step into my authentic purpose… that goal I’ve always felt was a little too far out of reach.
 
"You know, sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage... just literally 20 seconds of just embarrassing bravery, and I promise you, something great will come of it.” -Matt Damon’s character in “We Bought a Zoo.”